I like this short for many reasons. Mainly, for the absurdity of the whole thing. But also for the really witty writing. It is awesome how expansive script the writer was able to get from a simple observation about the obsessive culture of dog lovers.

Not only are the jokes outstanding, but the video also looks great for being a comedic short. Especially the scene in which the main character finds out his dog is a criminal.

I hope you enjoy it!

He made himself a promise. A promise to water his windows.

It was a day like any other. The cats were in the cradle and the spoon couldn’t have glimmered any silver-er. Tuesday was the day. Mr. Whilmfature awoke with one goal – fulfill his promise to himself. That promise had taken enough coaxing to get promised, the least he could do was to follow through. He would water his windows. As we all know, window watering is no feat to be attempted on an empty stomach. Whilmfature needed his gullet to get working, and quick. 1st course – raisins with a side of roasted almonds (Plain roast, no need for honey roasted). 2nd course – wing tipped ducks legs. 3rd course – window.

Mr. Whilmfature had never seen much point in being a green thumb. “Why take time out for a trip to the nursery when I could just buy windows to water?” Green thumbs spent much time in a crouched position. Not helping their backs get any younger. Window wetting allows for an upright position (it should be mentioned that Mr. Whilmfature never dries his windows, he simply stands erect and pours water on them). Whilmfature would ring in the translucent  thumb revolution. “It may be far fetched, but when people realize the benefits of window watering, they’re going to burn their greenery with shocking speed.”Insecurities about thumb hues aside, this is his home, and his water can’t be thrown every which way. It needs direction. That’s why he opted for the windows. “Yes, the double paned. Good insulation, proper smudge protection, squeegie friendly. No down side really.” The point being that he got himself into this mess, he might as well get the mess wet.

Mr. Whilmfature stepped outside to a glorious Hammersmith afternoon. Sidewalks nicely sided, skies nicely sky’d. Purple watering can in hand. He had let the water stay at room temperature (just because the windows are double paned doesn’t mean they are all kinds of temperature resistant). Once perched atop the step ladder, Whilmfature began to tilt. Oh how he tilted. Gushing streams, all destined to make the panes gleam, spewed from the can. “It always did sounds like water when I did this,” the man thought to himself. However, we all know that watering cans are no watering hoses and the streams quickly turned to drizzles, which turned to droplets. Then nothing at all. The water went kaput. “Best be heading in now.”

Mr. Whilmfature continued his Tuesday in front of the television. During which time he saw a commercial for Windex. He never watered his windows again.

I am studying abroad. I am in London.

“You’re in London, you must be doing some interesting things!” You’re right, person, LONDON HAS THE MOST INTERESTING THINGS. What’s the first thing a guy does when he gets to this town? Better yet, what is the only option for exploring a new city scape? The answer is a walking tour (why not see new things AND exercise???). A walking tour of (fictional) Sherlock Holmes case locations.

I am a fan of walking tours. Can’t seem to get enough. Never enough. “Won’t you stop walking on tours? You know they have boats and buses for that sort of thing now.” To that I answer, “I won’t hear a word of it.”

The name of this particular tour was Sherlock Roams. Find a more fitting name for a walking tour, go ahead.

The employees are aware of the name, and they make sure customers know this isn’t a tour meant for sauntering. “Sherlock, you will see, never roams. The man knew where he was going. He was a detective. We just needed a snappy name.” This popped the initial excitement bubble. Nevertheless, the tour must go on ( a fact of all tours, no matter the means of transport) (I’m trying to reference the previous advice given by that travel tours elitist. Just want to confirm we are on similar, if not the exact same, wavelength.).

“First off, we’re gonna need to get you some more tweed.” Explained Brimsfield, our tour guide. Our group quickly ventured to Titfield’s Twangy Tweed. Once inside, we crafted our new tweed trench coats, along with our tweed shorts. We were tweeded. We were honed. We were ready to roam. “OFF ON THE HUNT YA GO!” Shouted Brimsfield. Brisk doesn’t begin to describe our pace. That hunt ended when we reached the library. We spent the next two hours reading, acting out, and analyzing the tale of, The Hound of Bakervilles. I played the part of Quimsly, the affable robe stainer.

I have never gotten, nor will I ever get, as much from a walking tour.

The reason for such a lofty accolade? This person:

Donald Draper. “His eyes remind me of the time I lost 40 pounds and regained my self respect.” – Every Woman

Don doesn’t take malarky from anyone he encounters. It does not matter if you do not work for Mr. Draper, if you are in his sight, you are expected to have on a freshly pressed suit or a blouse revealing no less than four inches of cleavage (Cleavage is Don’s idea of women’s work). Big Cat in heaven forbid that you work for this gentlemen and talk to him in an informal fashion.

Here are a couple of companies  that Don would never do business (genius) with. Nor would he accept a free bottle of aged Moroccan bourbon from (Editors Note: Moroccan bourbon may not be a real liquor choice for people trying to buy liquor).

1. Love Your Peaches: Plus Size Women’s Clothing and Swimwear   (http://www.loveyourpeaches.com/shop/default.asp)

- To Don, a woman that weighs more the 120 lbs should not be allowed out of the slaughter house (Don’s slaughter house where he gets rid of women he deems to be “unsightly”).

2. Hellyers Road Distillery (http://hellyersroaddistillery.com.au/)

- Why on earth would Don go anywhere other than the mainland United States for his whiskey? For all Draper knows, this Australian whiskey’s main ingredients consist of kangaroo’s toenails and spit from a Tasmanian Devil (However, Don does consider the  Looney Toon’s interpretation of the Tasmanian Devil to be an absolute RIOT).

Don needs no explanation for not doing genius (business) with anyone. You are lucky to even have a middle man like myself to shed some light on Don’s opinions.

Seeing as it is the holiday season, I took it upon myself to interview deceased pioneers of the world. Getting a hold of these fellows was difficult considering they are not only dead, but also short on time due to their crucial roles leading the world to prominence. I had only one query for them: What’s on your christmas list? Below are the results.

Mahatma Gandhi: “I know this is going to sound cliche, but world peace.”

Martin Luther King Jr.: ”Considering the fact I am always looking for a new way to connect with my fellow seekers of equality, I have focused on making my rounds on the web. My iPhone gives me lots of opportunity to tweet my favorite bible passages and share pictures from the tour bus. However, my iPhone and twitter can only handle so much of the substantial demand from my fans. I think we all know how fond I am of public speaking (laughs) so I’m really pullin’ for an HD Flip Cam to easily upload impromptu speeches onto my youtube page, MLK’s Shimmy Sham.”

Napoleon Bonaparte: “I’m not the biggest guy, as you can imagine I find it difficult to mount my steed at my age and current lifeless state. With that in mind, I hope to receive a mechanical loading dock from the nice people over at Rotary Products Inc. (Pictured below, and located at – http://www.rotaryproductsinc.com/dock_levelers) to assist in my stallion climbing escapades. Ebenezer Scrooge: “Every year, prior to my death, I was reminded of those ghosts untimely visit. While I did learn a lesson from those sticks in the mud, it is taxing to be constantly alerted to my misgivings with the numerous film re-creations. If the bright lights of Hollywood insist on continuing to make such cinematic ventures, I wouldn’t mind seeing a 3D version with the part of myself played by a comedian with fading influence on pop-culture.” (Ed. Note- Mr. Scrooge was later alerted to the Disney recreation with was followed by an expletive heavy response and an extensive legal case).

It truly was a pleasure to theoretically interview these people.

Happy Holidays!

On my way to and from San Francisco and Sacramento this little camper (me) will take the Amtrak train system. On my way back to San Francisco this past Sunday I had the priviledge of sitting within earshot of a very entertaining passenger.

All that follows is a product of my eavesdropping, possible reader of these words.

Here is the scene: She is a blonde, high school aged, girl just trying to make her way home from a wonderful thanksgiving, I’m sure. She has with her a suitcase, circular food container (which I assume contains baked goods from Thanksgiving), and a Victoria’s Secret shopping bag. All the makings of what I thought to be an average Amtrak passenger.

What follows are quotes from her numerous phone conversations I overheard and typed down once I realized the entertainment value of this human being. A little precursor, she may have been a little distressed, and therefore not in the best state of mind, because she expected her manfriend, “Abe” (that explains the Victoria’s Secret Bag!), of breaking up with her.

“Dude, you know how anacondas are hella big…” – A friendly reminder to those who might have forgotten.

“I was watching Jackass 2 with my great grandpa last night”- Way to go Gramps!

“I couldnt go on Facebook, or MySpace and I was HELLA pissed”- While talking about her recent grounding restrictions.

“Katie I’m falling through the sky”- I do not recall the context, but I typed it so she must have said it!

“Holy Shittles”- Yep.

“If it wasn’t so tall and over water it wouldnt be so scary”- Her explaining the bridge the train was crossing to her phone-friend. Also a simple solution to everyone’s fear of heights.

“It’s like fucking dead people rising up from the dead and say ‘come join us’”- Discussing dead people she assumed lived in the waters below the aforementioned bridge inviting her to join them for a water party.

“I’m guessing you might live if you tuck and roll”- How someone could survive jumping off the bridge.

“I wonder if anyone has ever jumped off this bridge”- Yeah, same bridge. Same conversation.

“I have my victoria’s secret bag, my fucking michael’s bag just kickin’ it on the train”- How else would one ride on a train?

“Oh my god dude the whole bra is padded”- Sneak peek of her Victoria’s Secret bag contents.

“And I was like.. turn around!”- Don’t ignore this woman!

“Dude this is really boring, it’s taking forever to stop” Trains are so inconsiderate sometimes.

“It knows I’m on the phone with you , and its like ‘im gonna take forever to stop because I’m on the phone with you”- The more you complain, the slower the train goes. Also some nice personification

The series follows George St. Geegland (John Mulaney) and Gil Faizon (Nick Kroll) as they find themselves in some compromising conditions to say the least!

Here is the intro to the Oh, Hello Show

The song features Illecism over a Flying Lotus instrumental.